Sage Advice from Satire's Most Senile...
Selected Pieces of Wisdom from one Mr. Kurt Vonnegut, age 83, who spoke last night at the Ohio State University. An appraisal of the conversation (which could not and cannot be properly called a lecture) will follow, if requested, or if necessary to render the insights to follow in the proper or improper context. Kurt's quotations will be grouped by subject heading, sometimes provided by audience questions, others by my own "highly informative" and rather skeptical annotated notes.
Enjoy!
(Post-Script: darlings & dears, please do not hold me responsible for any glaring typographical errors, as i am fatigued beyond words and my eyes have great spots over them and editing seems inauthentic. muchlovvvve.)
************************************
Vonnegut on the President:
"He says 'I'm the War President!' That's like saying 'I'm the Syphilis President!'" [audience laughter]
"I wish that somebody would give the President a blow job..."
[edit: what, Mr. Vonnegut?]
Vonnegut on Representative Democracy in America:
"We the working people have no representatives whatsoever..."
"Crime pays off better in this country than anywhere else in the world..."
V. on the Destruction/Depletion of the Earth:
[from a freshly composed "poem" on environmental Endtime]
"It is done.
The people do not like it here..."
"This really is the end of the world"
[Jessi's edit: iterated 5-25 times throughout his conversation]
On What To Do About the Apocalypse:
"As the world is ending, I'm always glad to be entertained for a few minutes."
On "Becoming"/ The Role of the Artist/ The Machine Age:
"You're supposed to be doing the becoming, not gloating over these damned machines...to hell with the computer! Find out what's inside of you!"
On...Semicolons:
"Do not use semicolons; they stand for absolutely nothing! They are just transvestites and hermaphrodites! They only show you've been to college, so don't use 'em!"
On the Greatest Story Every Told:
" 'An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge' by Ambrose Bierce."
Q: Can humans really learn to forgive?
"War is a very profitable thing for a few people. It's what George Bernard Shaw said about marriage...well, I forget what George Bernard Shaw said about marriage. [audience laughter] But, as Susan Sontag once said, 10% of the world is cruel, 10% is merciful, and 80% can be pulled in either direction...[something about optimistic algebra...]"
"What are the biggest changes I've seen in my life? Well, Jesus used to be poor and merciful, and now he's a Republican."
On the Economy:
"This isn't capitalism, it's casino-ism!"
Q: What can we do as individuals? Is social activism still valid?
"Well, we can cheer each other on...we've got several nice days ahead of us. [We can say to each other] 'Hey! This is a pretty damn good day, and tomorrow might be one, too.' Be grateful for good days."
On Vonnegut's Concept of "Saints":
"...These are people behaving very decently in basically indecent times."
"Be respectful and be kind.
God damn it, be kind."
Miscellaneous Gems:
"I hate living this long. I'm going to sue the cigarette companies because they haven't killed me yet."
"I wish I could just go home, which would be to Indianapolis when I was nine years old, but I can't."
Vonnegut on his Legacy:
"I feel like a person possessed...[I look back on my life, at all of the books I've written, and I think] how the hell did I do that? We may all be possessed, and I hope so."
*******************************************
Needless to say, I was terribly, terribly disappointed. The microphones weren't working properly and the crowd was the largest that had ever assembled for an OSU lecture, but a good deal of what Vonnegut had to say was obvious, or was dishearteningly sappy, or was overly simplistic, and I have been left to wonder whether his ineffectiveness was due to old age, or the type of reduction of all brilliance of wit and political sageness to a simpering bitterness towards government + philosophy of gushy-gushy love-your-neighbor-ism.
There is something dismantling in hearing the master of all scathing satire look at the audience with all little-boy-ish earnest, and to hear him repeat God Damn It, Be Kind!
However, it was worth it just for the statement on semicolons.
Goodnight to You;
Jessi.
Enjoy!
(Post-Script: darlings & dears, please do not hold me responsible for any glaring typographical errors, as i am fatigued beyond words and my eyes have great spots over them and editing seems inauthentic. muchlovvvve.)
************************************
Vonnegut on the President:
"He says 'I'm the War President!' That's like saying 'I'm the Syphilis President!'" [audience laughter]
"I wish that somebody would give the President a blow job..."
[edit: what, Mr. Vonnegut?]
Vonnegut on Representative Democracy in America:
"We the working people have no representatives whatsoever..."
"Crime pays off better in this country than anywhere else in the world..."
V. on the Destruction/Depletion of the Earth:
[from a freshly composed "poem" on environmental Endtime]
"It is done.
The people do not like it here..."
"This really is the end of the world"
[Jessi's edit: iterated 5-25 times throughout his conversation]
On What To Do About the Apocalypse:
"As the world is ending, I'm always glad to be entertained for a few minutes."
On "Becoming"/ The Role of the Artist/ The Machine Age:
"You're supposed to be doing the becoming, not gloating over these damned machines...to hell with the computer! Find out what's inside of you!"
On...Semicolons:
"Do not use semicolons; they stand for absolutely nothing! They are just transvestites and hermaphrodites! They only show you've been to college, so don't use 'em!"
On the Greatest Story Every Told:
" 'An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge' by Ambrose Bierce."
Q: Can humans really learn to forgive?
"War is a very profitable thing for a few people. It's what George Bernard Shaw said about marriage...well, I forget what George Bernard Shaw said about marriage. [audience laughter] But, as Susan Sontag once said, 10% of the world is cruel, 10% is merciful, and 80% can be pulled in either direction...[something about optimistic algebra...]"
"What are the biggest changes I've seen in my life? Well, Jesus used to be poor and merciful, and now he's a Republican."
On the Economy:
"This isn't capitalism, it's casino-ism!"
Q: What can we do as individuals? Is social activism still valid?
"Well, we can cheer each other on...we've got several nice days ahead of us. [We can say to each other] 'Hey! This is a pretty damn good day, and tomorrow might be one, too.' Be grateful for good days."
On Vonnegut's Concept of "Saints":
"...These are people behaving very decently in basically indecent times."
"Be respectful and be kind.
God damn it, be kind."
Miscellaneous Gems:
"I hate living this long. I'm going to sue the cigarette companies because they haven't killed me yet."
"I wish I could just go home, which would be to Indianapolis when I was nine years old, but I can't."
Vonnegut on his Legacy:
"I feel like a person possessed...[I look back on my life, at all of the books I've written, and I think] how the hell did I do that? We may all be possessed, and I hope so."
*******************************************
Needless to say, I was terribly, terribly disappointed. The microphones weren't working properly and the crowd was the largest that had ever assembled for an OSU lecture, but a good deal of what Vonnegut had to say was obvious, or was dishearteningly sappy, or was overly simplistic, and I have been left to wonder whether his ineffectiveness was due to old age, or the type of reduction of all brilliance of wit and political sageness to a simpering bitterness towards government + philosophy of gushy-gushy love-your-neighbor-ism.
There is something dismantling in hearing the master of all scathing satire look at the audience with all little-boy-ish earnest, and to hear him repeat God Damn It, Be Kind!
However, it was worth it just for the statement on semicolons.
Goodnight to You;
Jessi.
posted by goodbye, goodbye at 9:56 PM
1 Comments:
Bigger Ugh--Senility!
And individuals whose summon bonum (excuse my vulgarized, lit-crit Latin) achievements are funneled into textual form alone, leaving the actual living-breathing corpse of the person to spout mundanities under the aegis of fame/notoriety.
Post-Script: I have finally applied to St. John's. Please, please tell your parents to be kind, because I writhe in the knowledge that my narrative appraisal of my educational history was spotty and incomplete, and the degree of my conviction that a St. John's education would forever augment the course of my life and my projective functional/dysfunctional role in human society wavered from paragraph to paragraph.
Double-Post-Script:
I've got another Big Question for you, half political science and half let-us-speculate-on-the-(reductive, reductive, reductive!)-base-nature-of-man-and-Society, whenever you/all TASPers/ the Blog/ the nascent seed of a more logically structured message board are ready and willing. Si c'est possible...
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